Major Major Decision

As i made my vow to the Lord to be a loving help mate to my one and only, i never knew that it involved major life-changing decisions.

I still work in Manila and he is based in our home town in Mindanao, and i know that God does not favor long distance relationship specially if we have just been married for 3 months. My better whole requested me to resign from my company, sell all my beloved stuffs which i have acquired since 2007 and moved back to him. We've been away from each other since 2005 but it's totally different now that we are one and i am expecting.

I love my independence, more so the cosmopolitan lifestyle, my circle of friends here in Mega Manila and the church to which i am highly-indebted of my spiritual growth and maturity. All of these are painful to give up in the name of love.

As i ponder my options on what to become when i resign, i am faced with uncertainties, worries and doubts. But i trust the Lord with all my heart and soul, that submitting to my husband is and will always be the best for the two of us.

I am still praying for discernment of God's will and right timing to discuss things with my Manager and HR but i am also preparing my heart, my soul and my stuffs if ever i will really and finally leave.

It is my heart's desire to be granted approval to work from home with pay and file maternity leave so i can still avail my maternity benefits and afterwards tender my resignation. It would help us a lot-financially if i can still exercise my benefits since all our savings were already consumed.

Sigh! No regrets, no turning back, at a cross road but i have finally made up my mind which way to go..May the living God, hear my heart and if it is His will, so be it.

Highlights of my 2010

Our company recently migrated all computer software to Windows 7 program and all sites were put to default based on Hong Kong language and site thus i wasn't able to write my thoughts here.

2010 ended with a bang and i was so blessed to share the special holidays moment with my one and only.

I am thankful for the following great things that shaped and molded me as a person last 2010:

1. Engagement Party and formal entreaty between me and my husband's family
2. Spent hearts day with my fiancee at a Hot Air Balloon Festival (our first)
3. Completed the 7 weeks Pre-marital Counselling with my then fiancee
4. Spent my 25th birthday celebration at home after 9 long years and blessed enough to have my dad with us which started to missed my natal day since i was 4 years old.
5. Completed the Glorious Hope Recovery Program
6. Attended the much anticipated Secrets of the Vine Retreat
7. Completed my pledge for the Building Fund
8. Married finally to my boyfriend of 4 years and 10 months
9. Delighted by the news of expecting a baby- my precious gift from God
10.Experienced breath-taking views at Anawangin in Zambales
11.Had a great time with my family for a one week vacation here in Mega Manila
12. Above all, known my God deeper, hungered more for Intimacy with Him, favored, blessed, granted mercy, forgiveness and healing.--never ending pursuit of righteousness and holiness.

My life back in 2010 were all because of my One True God--my Abba Father..
To Him be the glory, honor, power and praise.

Owe Nothing But Love

As i have mentioned on my previous blog, my priorities have changed the day i knew i was pregnant. I am blessed to have a husband who knows how to manage his finances well but we are extremely opposite.

It has been two months since we got married, i got sick and was hospitalized weeks after the wedding and now i am carrying my precious little one. Our relationship is now being tested on the aspect of through sickness and health and for richer or poorer.

Hospital Bills, Medications and pre-natal supplements are no joke. They come in huge prices and as newly weds, we are now financially dried up. But in everything give thanks. I thank the Lord for this opportunity to know my husband deeper in terms of handling finances, making decisions, trusting each other, helping each other and trusting the Lord. He also became my instant caregiver, cook and patient nurse.

I have seen my family and relatives in serious debt and i am praying that i will not make it as a habit or lifestyle. I remember one passage in the Bible that talks about being in debt.

Romans 13:8
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.

At present, my husband and i are facing insurmountable debt, i mean over due credit card bills and we are hoping and praying that in three months time we would be able to fulfill our financial obligations and cut or permanently terminate of our credit card services.

Having debts means having no peace of mind and i tend to worry all the time.
But i trust God, and i trust my husband as well.

I don't use my credit card anymore and vowed to pay in cash for all my transactions, i have also started saving for future emergencies. I want to be the person who can help others or give to the needy and not the one being helped.

I am God's steward on finances and so i must become one.

Christmas Wishlist

A lot has changed the day i found out that i am going to be a mother.
I am now more conscious of what i eat, how i dress up, where i go, how i spend my weekends and breaks, my expenses and priorities.

This Christmas i only want five things but not for me, it's for the little baby whom i am so blessed to received from my Almighty God.

Aside from having a baby, i know it is a huge responsibility and ministry on how i will nurture, care, love and protect my precious child. The most important thing is, how will my motherhood reflect Christ in me.

So here goes my list..not just wants but needs:-)

1. Life Saver/ Diaper Bag
2. Avent Starter Kit
3. Avent Breast Pump Kit
4. Avent Sterilizer
5. Convertible Baby Crib

*thinking of posting this link to my husband's Facebook Account... (smiling Sheepishly)

Source for Image: http://blog.timesunion.com/kristi/27197/ff-i-wish-i-may-i-wish-i-might/

Loosing Patience

I tend to be impatient even with little things now a days. Not long ago, i can still enjoy and have fun while waiting and not loosing my patience at all.

Whenever i wait in long lines, i would keep myself busy by reading things within my sight or playing games on my mobile phone. Whenever i would wait for someone and even if it would take longer than an hour or two, reading books or sending SMS would keep away my idle time. Whenever i am in dire need of answers from God, i would still pray joyfully and with gladness in my heart. There is always joy in waiting.

People do change, and not always for the better. I am now becoming an impatient and control freak. Lately, training a new hire seemed impossible for me not to loose my patience. Simple and basic instructions or procedures are asked repeatedly. I might say, simple things are sometimes the most complicated things to understand and follow. Learning fundamentals or the foundation of a one element or area of learning would aid any person when faced by cerebrally challenging situations. Once grounded on the basic tenets, it would after all make the job easier and less mind-boggling.

I was reminded by a verse in the Bible found on 1 Corinthians 13:4 which says" Love is patient, love is kind".

This is also backed strongly by this straight to the heart quote:

"When tempted to lose patience with someone, stop and think how patient God has been with you".

True enough, i must say, i have to be patient at all times. And when tempted, i have to put my feet on that person's shoes and view it on God's perspective.

The "F" word

I am not fond of cursing or using an irreverent language much more of directing it to someone. Profanity as a form of expression is and will never be glorifying to God. Earlier today, a colleague has just uttered that magic word directly to me. I must admit it bruised my heart and ego. Such abusive behavior or impolite expression should never be tolerated. I smiled after hearing the word yet as i turned my back away from her, i felt humiliated and crushed in Spirit. What is it of me that makes people around me treat that way? I remember the Law of Garbage trucks that people are carrying emotional garbages and unconsciously dumps them to people randomly. I do not have control on her behavior and with the situation but certainly has on how i should respond to what had just transpired.

What does the Bible Say about cursing or wrong use of speech? Here are the following verses that reminds me of the purpose of my tongue:

James 3:9-12
9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt[a] water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Luke 6:26-27
26Woe to you when all men speak well of you,
for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets.
27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

Romans 12:14
14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

Romans 12:17-21
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[a]says the Lord. 20On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[b] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.


How then should i respond? The Lord said that i should bless those who curse me. I know it's one tough act to make but thy will be done, not mine.

My prayer:

Lord, may you take the pain away from me and instead be joyful that it's not I who cursed but the one being cursed. Help me to forgive and forget and show kindness and love to that person at all times. I humbly bow before you and seek comfort and healing and that you may bless that person. In Jesus mighty name. AMEN.

Defiance

Typical day starts with selfishness and ends with self-centeredness. My life is now in chaos and i don't even know how to get myself back on track. I envy those who are in the ministry and serving the Lord for He watches over them. I was once passionate and on fire but because i choose to be a carnal Christian then i am now without peace and in distress. Guilt has overshadowed me. I tried to go back in God's loving arms but to no avail. My quiet time and prayer time is inconsistent and i still have the guts to ask for His blessings. No wonder God doesn't answer me. My intentionally contemptuous behavior has separated me from God.

I remember this passage from Hebrews 10: 26-27

"If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God."

This is the truth and I am totally devastated by what i have become these past few days. I would practically be ashamed if God will let me watch the flashbacks in my life. There is nothing worth watching for. My life right now can be best described in one word: SINFUL.